Last evening, the mighty Zeppelins faced an unending hoard of purple-shirted Department of Insurance players in the final game of the regular season for LED.
In the throes of the worst losing streak in more than 2
years and just hours before game time, famed LED Zeppelins Softball Coach,
Linda Regira, was ordered to home rest by her doctors. The emotional toll of the painfully acquired new habit of watching wins turn to
losses in the final inning, plus the
near absence of offense in the last game, added to
lingering and haunting memories of the brutalization of the
valiant Zeps 16-4 at the hands of the mighty DCFS, were just too much for
"Coach" to bear.
Calls to Regira's doctors went unreturned as of this writing. Rumors abound that her
sudden debilitation were the result of an addiction to deer antler velvet
remain unconfirmed at this time. Thus far, it
is still unclear if, sadly, she finally managed to find a source for this
highly addictive performance enhancing drug, the pursuit of which resulted in
last season’s suspension. (For further background on the 2013 scandal and
subsequent suspension that involved Coach Regira and “the velvet” see the
inserted email attached).
Interim coach Eddie James was
again called on to fill in for Regira. Inspired
by last season’s solid improvement in wins and losses, James was triggered to look back through some of Linda’s
entertaining game summaries where he by chance came across some of her long
forgotten commentaries on the methodologies of Moneyball . Using her
concepts for guidance, he proceeded to do a thorough analysis of each
player's strength and weaknesses on both offense
and defense. He tracked how often they got on base, which side of the
field they hit to most often, and most importantly, he assessed the various
components of their respective running speed. Using the data that this extensive analysis produced, he
applied the findings to very carefully craft a lineup strategically, and one that for example avoided putting
a very fast base runner batting behind another that we will politely describe
as being “noticeably less fast”. The hope was that this approach result
in more offense via extra bases, but at a
minimum, hopefully one more productive than the Zeps produced the last
time out in a frustrating 3-2 loss.
The game started with a coin toss since there was a
disagreement about which was the home team. Insurance won, and took the
field.
NOTE: In 8 games,
the Zeps have managed to be the home team exactly once! Is there really a
conspiracy against LED in the Commissioner's office?
NOTE 2: Next season,
suggest we tape a copy of the schedule to the inside cover of the
scorebook. 2015 Goal: Be the home team at least twice!
Before the first pitch, Coach Eddie asked the entire Zepplin
team to take a knee. What followed could well have been the most inspiring
motivational speech in the annals of sport, any
sport. Though the theme was virtually identical, it put Ronald Reagan's
"Win one for the Gipper (in this case, Coach
Linda)" to shame,. This
speech had it all, containing more emotional impact combined
than the those by Lou Gehrig, Tim
Tebow, and even the
one that “went viral” this week by that Rhode Island little league coach.
.........Or at least it
would have, had it actually been
delivered. It was there, all written, well rehearsed,
the timing was perfectly refined down the syllable. Minutes before he was to deliver his this moving motivational
moment, again, a speech certain to be remembered as
the sports speech of the century, Eddie
happened to overhear Chelsea Harris, and
either Lauren Stuart or Stephanie Hartman,
discussing that same little league coach's speech. He literally got chills, the timing was going to
be just perfect! Or so it seemed, until
her heard Chelsea’s reply, something
about how she "didn't go in for all that rah-rah &%##$$cow excrement". Sheepishly, he started to shove the numerous pages of speech
notes into his bag, but then out of frustration
tore the pages up and slammed them into the garbage can in the dugout.
Her comments still ringing in his ears, he kicked himself for being afraid
that his version of "all that rah-rah &%##$$
cow excrement " would fail to inspire
the rest of the Zeppelins, even excluding Chelsea, and would fall totally flat. Still
smarting, and quite ashamed, the coach took the field that day committed to doing all he could, even if in silence, to
"Win One for the Gipper/Regira".
Thus the game began, as it does
they all do, with the Zeppelins batting first.
Top of the 1st:
Chelsea Harris hit a crushing line drive into left field to
start the game. However, the offense drought
continued as the Zeppelins were unable to get a run across.
Bottom of the 1st:
On defense, Interim Coach James
stayed with veteran starting pitcher Rick Ward to take the hill. Although
the lead-off batter managed a decent imitation of Chelsea's liner, it yielded
the same results, and Rick faced only 4 batters
before the defense got the third out.
End of the 1st: Zeps 0 Insurance 0
Top of the 2nd:
Eric Burton managed LED's only hit, but no runs were plated. With this inning in the books, the Zeppelins had
now scored runs, that is , single runs, in only 2 of the previous nine
innings. Could only the second shutout in team history really be in
the offing?
Bottom of the 2nd:
After a ground out to start, things looked promising to keep
the game a scoreless tie. However, 2
singles and 2 defensive errors later,
Insurance had sent 2 runners across the
plate. The Zeppelins were starting to dig another hole, the script seemed
painfully familiar.
End of the 2nd: Zeps 0 Insurance 2
Top of the 3rd:
This inning also started with yet another Zeppelin ground
out. But finally, the lineup adjustments that James had made finally
began to pay dividends. Christian Penningtion, returning to the lineup
after a 3 game absence (3 game absence, 3 game
losing streak, hey, wait a minute!!, singled…..as did the next 5 batters
in a row: David Carter, Rick Ward, Michael Pernici, Chelsea Harris, and
Eddie, and the Zeps now had a 3-2 lead, but they weren’t finished yet, not by a
long shot. With the bases loaded, Paige- the-Overachiever-Ovens (and who
from this point forward should carry the nickname "Oh-Oh" )crushed a
long, long drive over the centerfielder's head to clear the bases with a
double. Devin Harrison then singled Paige, sorry, “Oh-Oh” in, followed by
the seventh single of the inning by Jayson Newell before the third out was
finally made, but only after 11 Zeppelins had batted.
Bottom of the 3rd:
Perhaps inspired by the offensive storm the Zeppelin's
produced, in the bottom half of the inning Rick
faced only 4 batters, yielding one single. Oh,
about that. That successful batter was a gentleman who volunteered
pregame that he was more 70 years old. The Insurance coach had checked
before the game to ask if we would allow him to bat right-handed, which we
did. The veteran hit a surprisingly strong ground ball behind third base,
and most of us thought “Good for you, Pops!”. Eric Burton did not feel
the same way, heartlessly hustling to his right to field the ball and then
making a miraculous throw to first. As heartless and unfeeling as Eric’s
play was, it had a good ending, with the seasoned vet running very and hard and
just beating the throw to first (perhaps with a little assistance from first
baseman Devin Harrison, who apparently DOES have a heart, and had “trouble” to
get his feet down onto first in time for the put out.)
End of the 3rd: Zeps 7 Insurance 2
Top of the 4th:
Eric Burton singled again to lead off, and was sacrificed to
second on the second out by Stephanie. Gary Beadle singled Eric home,
followed by 3 more consecutive singles by Christian, David, and Rick.
Gary scored, but the bases were tragically left full when the third out was
caught. Were these runs that the Zeppelins would once again regret
didn't find a way to score?
Bottom of the 4th:
The lead-off batter grounded a ball on the infield and an
errant throw allowed him to go to second. A hot line drive looked sure to
advance him, but Michael Pernici made the snatch of the day for out number one,
followed by a nifty throw to Paige (”Oh-Oh”)
to double up the runner. Not to be outdone, Rick fielded the next
grounder in impression fashion and ended the inning with an excellent throw to
first.
End of the 4th: Zeps 9 Insurance 2
Top of the 5th:
Chelsea Harris led off with her third hit in 3 at
bats. Eddie then hit a high pop-up just into foul territory behind first
base. In the base running "play of the day" Chelsea shrewdly tagged up after
the catch was made and advanced to second,
all while the first baseman was still congratulating himself on catching Eddie’s foul ball (which Chelsea had managed to
convert into a sacrifice fly rather than just a weak out). It
appeared that Chelsea's heads up play would be for naught as the next batter
flied out as well. However, Devin Harrison came to the rescue with a
double that scored Chelsea, and then went to
third on another double by Jayson
Newell. Jayson was followed by 5
singles in a row by Lauren Stuart, Eric Burton, Russell Richardson, Stephanie
Hartman, and Gary Beadle which scored 4 more
runs. In the inning, the Zeps plated a
total of 6 more runs, all with them scoring with two out.
Bottom of the 5th:
Perhaps feeling that he finally had a lead the even Eddie
couldn't lose, Rick generously allowed Eddie to bring his knuckleball to the mound.
Eddie allowed only one single, and faced just 4 batters before the 5th came to
an end.
End of the 5th: Zeps 15 Insurance 2
Top of the 6th:
Perhaps a bit tired from
all the base running, the Zeps managed only a two-out
single by Michael Pernici before the third out.
Bottom of the 6th:
Insurance sent 4 batters to the plate, one single being the
only thing stopping LED from a 3-up 3-down inning.
End of the 6th: Zeps 15 Insurance 2
Top of the 7th:
The Zeppelin offense
roared back to life in the top of the seventh. 8 consecutive singles by
Eddie, Paige/”Oh-Oh”, Devin, Jayson, Lauren,
Eric, Russell, Stephanie, and Gary produced another 7 runs.
Bottom of the 7th:
Surely a 20 run lead was safe? The last of the seventh started very well,
with a ground out to pitcher as the first of the 3 outs needed to secure a
victory and improve the Zeps chances to qualify for
the playoffs. The second batter
slammed a long fly to center and hearts
stopped for just a moment, until Gary Beadle
caught it, making it look much easier than it actually
was for the second out. Just one more
out to go! But……..OH
NO!..........REALLY????!!!!!...............................................the
next batter grounded a ball on the infield and beat the throw to first. Another grounder looked like the final out, but unfortunately the base runner on first
came all the way around to score after multiple
errant (and unwise, Coach Linda?) throws by the defense,
along with one closed glove stab miss/ghost tag without the ball applied.
The batter ended up on third base once all
the carnage had subsided.
“Oh-Oh” (Paige, remember?),
as she does on every play on defense, alerted everyone to the situation:
“Two outs, infield go to first”. At this point Eddie looked at third
base, and then at Stephanie. Stephanie Hartman was playing catcher, as
she has most of the season. An awesome new addition to the Zeppelins
roster this season, she is very likely the best catcher in the entire league.
She had proven that earlier in the game when she leapt onto a swinging
bunt 6 feet in front of the plate and fired a missile to first to beat the
runner on what should have been an infield single. Back to the
action, Eddie looked at the runner on third, then back at Stephanie. At
that moment he decided to go counter to Paige’s defense instructions about
going to first, electing to throw to the plate if a groundball came his
way. He then let the Zep’s solid catcher in on his plan and said in a
somewhat weighty moment: “Stephanie” getting her attention, “Make the catch”.
A baseball movie filmed in
Louisiana (due to the awesome Louisiana Motion Picture Investor Tax Credit
Incentive) would surely have contained a dream ending to this game: The
batter hits a ground ball right back to Eddie, and he not only fields it cleanly,
but also makes e a good throw to the plate. A throw which Stephanie would
catch, and then quickly apply a sweeping tag on the runner coming from third as
he slides in trying to score, but he is short of the plate and becomes the
final out. Stephanie would have then spiked the ball, and then run to
celebrate the huge victory with her teammates. Loud dramatic music begins
to play, the credits begin to roll.
But the games are played on
the field, and really, who would believe yet another hokey, formulaic Hollywood
ending to a sports movie anyway?
Of course that isn’t what
happened! Eddie threw the next pitch, the batter mashed a ringing base
hit, the runner easily scored from third.
Howeverrrrr…………..the
entire team breathed a huge sigh of relief as the next batter flied out to end
the game.
Final Score: LED Zeppelins 22
Insurance 4
All time Zeppelin records were set for runs scored:
22, and for hits: 34. Note: Eric Burton tied the LED record
for hits in a game, going 4-4.
14 players batted and played the field,. EVERY
single player had AT LEAST TWO HITS.
Chelsea, Jayson, Paige and Eddie had three hits each, and again, Eric had 4.
13 of the 14 players scored
at least one run. On behalf to the entire team, apologies to Stephanie
Hartman, surely someone could have driven you in one of the times you were on
base. She did her part, with 3 RBI’s herself!!
6 players scored twice each:
Chelsea, Eddie, Paige “Oh-Oh” Devin, Jayson, and Lauren, and Eric led
the way with 3 runs.
30 of the hits were singles,
but Paige “Oh-Oh” and Devin both also had doubles. Jayson lead all
batters with 2 doubles to go along with a single.
The regular season
has now ended for the Zeppelins, ending with a hard-earned 4-4 record.
Next game? We have no idea, and are forced to wait. The team is hoping our season was again
strong enough to qualify for the playoffs.......so
stay tuned!
Many thanks to all who
STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE for LED.
PLAYERS: Chelsea Harris (Communications & Marketing),
Christian Pennington (Business Incentives) David Carter (BRAC Liaison), Devin
Harrison (Business Development), Eddie James (Business Development), Eric
Burton (Business Incentives), Gary Beadle (IT), Jayson Newell (Business
Development), Lauren Stuart (Business Development), Paige “Oh-Oh” Ovens
(Business Development), Rick Ward (Business Development), Russell Richardson
(Business Development), Stephanie Hartman (Small Business), Michael Pernici
(Lead Development).
FANS: As always, LED fans are the best in the
league: Brandon (Chelsea’s boyfriend), Bat MAN Mills Richardson
(Russell’s son), Shelly and Harper Harrison (Devin’s wife and daughter), Nancy
Ward (Rick’s wife), Will “Rounding 3rd” Day (Business Development)
coached third, Anne Villa (Undersecretary) sent the drinks with Alicia Ardoin
(Business Development), Kelsey Short (Business Development), and Susan Bigner (Business Incentives).
SPECIAL NOTE: Janile
"Diva" Parks (Business Development) was NOT in attendance for this
game. Such an absence would normally go without comment. Each week, more
than 100 LED employees are not able to match
it out to the field, no problem. However,
the two games Janile attend this season saw the Zeppelins lose the lead in the final
inning, both times to teams with much less talent than our
Zeppelins. In Janile’s place this week was Susan Bigner. The rumor
on Susan is that she has been present to cheer us a total of 4 times this
season. The Zeppelin’s record in those 4 games? 4 wins, not a
single loss. Most ballplayers are superstitious, so if the Zeps do make
the playoffs………
